


The Parable of Quentin Bailey and the Risk of Kurtosis.

by magic9mushroom



Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, Humor, Mathematics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-17
Updated: 2013-11-17
Packaged: 2018-01-01 20:32:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1048276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magic9mushroom/pseuds/magic9mushroom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Short piece about Kyubey and his questionable risk-taking policies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

A certain Mr. Quentin Bailey was once going hiking in the fields when a genie appeared before him. The genie gestured with his hands and two machines appeared.

"Here I have two gambling machines," said the genie. "The machine on my left hand, I built myself. Exactly half of the time, when you use this machine, you will receive $101; the other half of the time, you will lose $99."

"Ah," said Bailey, being well versed in mathematics. "A game with high variance, but positive mean."

"Indeed, you are quite the scholar," praised the genie. "The machine on my right hand, I bought from an associate of mine. I don't know anything about how it works, but you are welcome to test it out for yourself prior to deciding."

"Deciding?" asked Bailey.

"Indeed," responded the genie. "As a hazing ritual among genies, I am required to give a mortal a great opportunity in a way that sounds patently silly. As such, you can pick either of these machines, and via my great mystical powers I will play them on your behalf a billion times over."

"I see," said Bailey. "You said I would be allowed to test the machine on your right. I assume there are no consequences to this testing phase?"

"Indeed not," replied the genie. "I myself am curious to know its workings."

Bailey activated the machine, and it displayed a win of 1 dollar. He tried it again, and again, but after fifty attempts the machine had still only displayed the same result: a win of $1 each and every time. "This is a simple choice," said Bailey. "Both machines have an average return of $1, but the machine on your left could potentially land me in debt or only give me a small amount, whereas the guaranteed return from the machine on your right is more than enough to live on for my entire life. I shall choose the machine on your right!"

"As you wish," replied the genie, and with his supreme, unnatural speed manipulated the controls of the unknown machine faster than Bailey could see. Bailey became a rich man that day, but he still regretted his choice.


	2. Chapter 2

The true distribution of the machine at the genie's right was as follows:

99.9998%: Win 1 dollar.  
0.0001%: Win $1,000,000.  
0.0001%: Be stabbed with a sword.

Quentin Bailey was luckier than average; he was only stabbed eight hundred and fifty-three times.


End file.
